I'm on 2 waitlists right now and I'm preparing to reapply, but like a lot of other people on this forum I'm having such a hard time getting motivated. This past cycle was one of the most stressful things I've done (and I feel like I've had a lot of other large stressors throughout my life that make the bar decently high), and the idea of having to do it again is a huge mental hurdle. A lot of the times I feel ok if I just ignore it, but that means that I feel the need to constantly stimulate/distract my brain, so I'll just rot watching TV or scrolling social media for so much longer than I typically let myself (I keep ignoring screen time limits lol).

I feel like people are going to be disappointed I didn't get in this year, especially because I moved home and my family was sharing with other friends/family when I got interviews when I initially planned to keep it pretty private. Also revealing to my letter writers that I haven't gotten in yet feels like salt in the wound like, "Hey, I didn't make it this year and I haven't seen you in a year but could you resubmit a letter for me pretty please!!" when they might not remember my face at this point because my school was so large.

I know this is also vain(?), but there were some people who made me feel like I wouldn't be able to do it or my stats were too low (511 MCAT) and I was looking forward to having a reveal and prove to them that I could do it. I got waitlisted at one of my top-choice schools where I could be close to home/my SO, and another school across the country after having 4 IIs. If you asked me if I thought I would be in a school at this point in May last year I would've said yes, but now I'm just stuck in limbo and can't do some of the things I planned for the summer because I'm not quitting my job for the break before med school lmao. I don't know what's up with the cycle this year, but waitlist movement seems like a low chance for both my schools (fingers crossed still though I'm still manifesting PLEASE).

edit: I also haven't been able to sleep well for the past year really and I'm worried that even if I did get into med school that wouldn't go away, and then there's residency matching... coming from someone who used to never have problems sleeping (and I generally need a pretty solid 8 hours), I'm feeling cooked rn.

I am counting my blessings though and I understand it could be so much worse, especially because I do get to live at home and I don't have to stress about whether or not I should renew a current lease and I am fortunate to not have to stress about application fees. I just need to buck up and get over myself.

anyways, thanks for coming to my TedTalk