first off, i wanna say that i am incredibly grateful to have gotten acceptances into MD schools, and realize that i am incredibly lucky to be where i am.

however, this sounds so bad to say but a part of me still feels disappointed / like i should've done more. my whole life i've somehow convinced myself that once i get into med school the heaviness on my shoulders and the knot in my chest would resolve, but now that i'm here i can't help but feel like there's something i should've done better. like don't get me wrong, i am so lucky to have options, but i wish i got into schools in my home state or nearer to where my family is.

also doesn't help that my mentors (who i love and look up to sm) are like big shots and i feel like i disappointed them by not getting into a more "top tier" med school, esp cuz everyone around me is from havard med, stanford, yale etc. (they've been incredibly kind tho and have all told me they're proud of me, but my inner critic just keeps telling me they're lying and is secretly disappointed in me lol)

aggghhh i dunno (i totally should've taken a gap year lol no social life in college + tunneled vision on med school apps + multiple mcat attempts + having like 3 frens + sm time alone at my desk = quarter life crisis)

i can't help but feel like getting into med school for me was like a basic requirement/expectation (my parents immigrated to the U.S. when i was <10 to give me a better education) so i feel like i should've done better to suffice all the sacrifices my parents made for me (ugh what a immigrant child cliche lol)

nah but like i am proud (i think) of where i am. and like yes, don't get me wrong like getting into any med school or nay, like applying to med school itself is a huge accomplishment given all the hurdles we've had to jump thru. but i dunno there's just this residual ringing in my ear i should've worked harder :))))

sorryyy this is kinda like a yap session lol