I’ve been watching the cycle unfold on this sub, and honestly, the way some of us treat each other is getting really toxic.

We need to establish a basic baseline of empathy. We are all allowed to set our own goals, and we are all allowed to be sad when we don’t achieve them.

It feels like this sub has an unwritten rule about who is "allowed" to complain, and it’s entirely based on projecting our own goals onto other people.

FOR EXAMPLE:

Person A really just wanted an A from anywhere. They end up with a single WL from their only II. They have the full right to be heartbroken. We all agree on this.

Person B really wanted BU. They got into Tulane instead. They are going to be a doctor, but they are mourning the specific vision they had for their life. They ALSO have an equal right to be sad.

NOW... Person C really wanted HMS. They grinded out an insane app tailored for the T5s, and they ended up getting into maybe something like UMich.

Person C has the EQUAL right to be sad.

It’s completely messed up to attack Person C just because they have what Person A or B wants. Y'all have got to stop projecting your own definitions of success onto other applicants.

There aren't many Person Cs out there, and for the record, I’m not a Person C myself. But every time I see someone post about being disappointed with a T20 A, or asking for advice between two amazing top-tier schools, the comments immediately dogpile them. People accuse them of "humble-bragging," "rage-baiting," or being ungrateful. That doesn't give us the right to hate on them.

We all have different circumstances, baselines, and trajectories. You work towards your goal. Maybe Person A’s app wasn't as competitive as Person B's. Maybe Person B’s app wasn't as competitive as Person C's. And that is okay. We all do the absolute best with the cards we are dealt, and we all put our blood, sweat, and tears into this process.

Just because YOU or I might be Person A or Person B and maybe we had incredibly tough circumstances that prevented us from building a Person C-level app that doesn't give us a pass to spread hate against high-achievers.

Try to step into their shoes for a second. Instead of projecting your own goals and thinking, "I’d kill to be Person C, why are they complaining?" try to remember that they set a realistic goal for their specific stats/extracurriculars, they sacrificed years of their life to achieve it, and they fell short of their dream. Sure as hell they have a right to be upset.

If someone is asking for advice between School X and School Y, and they are both amazing schools, it’s not an attack on you. It’s not rage-bait. It's someone navigating a massive life choice.

We are all trying to succeed in an insanely brutal process. Being toxic just because a random stranger on the internet achieved more than you, but is still dealing with their own disappointment, is just sad. Let’s do better and actually support each other, regardless of what tier of schools we are talking about.

TL;DR. Wake up and grow some empathy. I'd be so sad if some of you were my doctors. Some of you are amazing though and I love you guys. It's been a wild ride.