To be honest, maybe I need a journal but I am writing this here to see if anyone else feels this way. I don't even think what I wrote makes sense.

I feel like in this med school cycle and all aspects of my life, I always need to do above and beyond to land an acceptance or opportunity. What I mean is I have to be above the 75th percentile stats wise to get an II, I had to have 1570 on the SAT to get into my local state school, I need to have 1000 more hours than a matriculated applicant.

I just wish once in my life, I was an underdog in the situation. In a situation where I get a II even when I'm in the 10th percentile of the school's stats or some rare circumstance happens to me. And the thing is, I think I have lived a disadvantaged life for me to even expect something like that where I would hope my story/activism compensates for my stats or something. I just hate seeing other people live these lucky moments and my "success" is very calculated and expected. It really makes me wonder if people just overlook the holistic part of apps for me specifically and honestly makes me feel like a cog in the machine.