I’m upset, disappointed, saddened, and depressed, but mostly I’m incredibly angry. Angry at the lack of transparency, the sheer cost, the privilege of many applicants, and just the blatant stupidity of so much of this process. I’m in my mid-30s, I don’t have time for “rejection is redirection” and “it’s just one more gap year!” I want to have the option to start a family and be financially secure for the first time in countless generations of my ancestors. I’m tired of scraping by and scrapping and robbing Peter to pay Paul only to be treated like absolute dirt. Many of you are young and might not quite understand how thoroughly reality sucks yet but I’m here to tell you it does, just a matter of what form it takes. I have a right to feel negatively too, my feelings are valid here before anyone tries to give me the Pollyanna routine. I’ve already taken next steps for next cycle but now I feel hopeless like the same crap is going to happen again no matter how much I improve my application because “luck.” This is the only place I can just vomit into the void. I wish I were 22 again to have this happen because I still had so much hope back then. Man, what a kick in the face.