hey everyone,

i joined admit a couple weeks ago and at first, it really helped. it made me feel less alone seeing others share what they’re going through. but over time, i started feeling different. i'd check who got interviews, what their stats were, what schools sent them out, what days, what times, which schools were done. i was going paranoid.

it’s been hard feeling like you've given your all, put so much heart into your application, and ultimately not being seen or valued. i know a lot of you probably feel the same way.

After thinking about it a bit, i’ve decided to stop looking at admit until the cycle's over. i realize i want to focus on being present at my job, actually enjoying it, and finding small joys again.

the more i try to track every pattern, every school, every date, every outcome, the more i lose my peace. none of that is really helping me. i’ve realized that at this point, a lot of us have done the bulk of what we can, whether its the grades, the MCAT, the extracurriculars, the networking, the research, the volunteering, and crafting and polishing our unique stories in our essays.

there’s a quote that’s been sitting with me lately:
“much of our suffering arises from attempting to control what is not in our control.”

i’ve noticed i’m more peaceful when i’m not constantly checking. when i stop comparing myself, trying to predict when or where i might get an interview, or overplanning, i start to feel like myself again.

so if any of you have been feeling the same way, anxious, tired, comparing, losing your balance, i really encourage you to take a break. focus on what’s right in front of you. if you’re in a gap-year job, try to enjoy it and learn from it. if you’re still in school, enjoy learning in your classes and spending time with friends. start hobbies that make you feel calm and connected again. for me, that’s been sketching and doing henna.

spend time with family if you can. i know that can be complicated for some of us, but this might be one of the last stretches of time we get with them before we move forward in our own paths.

we can’t control any of this. but until our time comes and a school comes to see our light, i just wanted to encourage you all to do this.

wishing you all peace and success in your journeys.
with love,

X