Gap year reapplicant here (519, 3.86 // 3 IIs, 2 WLs, no As). I'm a CMA who runs/assists a physician in a busy busy procedure room and fucking love it.

Also have a good amount of research (1k+ hrs, 1 pub as of a few months ago, some undergrad awards/posters). Thinking about a reapp rn, naturally. (Also I was told by an admissions dean after last cycle that they really liked my writing so it's def not garbage tier at least).

And I'm so so grateful for my clinical experiences as a CMA, but I hate!! that I feel like my application would be a lot stronger if I'd only done that for a few months and switched to research for part of this gap year into the next one.

(I know that outside of the t20 or so schools having more research wouldn't really make an impact, except for The Narrative, but am just a bit confused because I expect my profile to appeal more to research-focused schools but my IIs were all from t50-100 service-y schools. LOVED loved loved them on interview day but it was just a surprise. So I guess the shock is making me wonder what I can do to appeal to the schools that feel like a better fit)

TL;DR: I love love my clinical job but feel like I'm in a weird spot where I don't quite have high quality*** enough research or service to be a good fit anywhere. And I fear that having 2k vs 1k clinical hours is irrelevant and I should have switched to research, and I know that being happy during my gap year is super important and I'm so grateful I found something that I love, but I also like want to go to med school lol.

*** n.b. ik it's not abt the # of hours but i have been struggling to find more involved volunteer roles that i can say something beyond 'i served food and it was fun'. and for my research, i did really enjoy it, but i mostly just followed directions & am not that interested in continuing with the same topic, so i wasn't super intellectually involved

Briefer TL;DR, why does staying in a job I love make me feel like I'm not dedicated enough to improving my application even though I know that that's absurd